One of the most intense sources of internal conflict for me comes from the disconnect between what I currently want and what I know I should want.
We grow up hearing stories, myths, biographies, slokhas, and inspiring quotes about what we should consider the ideal; and at least for me, these sources of moral guidance have heavily influenced what I consider to be the ideal state of existence. And, I suppose as a result of constantly thinking about it, I often have a pretty good idea of what will take me towards that goal and what will not.
Yet, despite knowing what my eventual goal is, I often find that my current desires conflict with my long-term goals.
For example, Hinduism extols self-control as an important virtue, yet at this age, many of us like the idea of letting go and dabbling in everything, saying that it is the only chance we’ll get to “experiment.” Hinduism advises us to be unselfish; yet without some selfishness, we’re very likely to be walked all over — and after experiencing the pain of being taken advantage of, we tend towards selfishness even though scripture tells us the opposite. Detachment is a fundamental concept in Hinduism; yet, if we hope to live as householders, attachment to those around us seems to be the most satisfying way of forming human relationships…
I believe strongly in the long-term goals — that practicing self-control, selflessness, and detachment will bring me much more internal peace and satisfaction in the long run — but for now, I sometimes find myself seeking to break away from those goals to see what it is like to not be ‘bound’ by a higher goal.
What is the right path in this case? Does the existence of lower desires indicate that I’m not ready to follow my higher goals — that I should perhaps fulfill those desires and (if the scriptures are right) upon seeing that they do not give me the fulfillment I crave, then move on to my higher goals? Or should I continue to deny those lower desires, focusing only on my long-term goals…
Have any of you dealt with this type of conflict before? Do you have any suggestions for how to resolve such conflicts?
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Short answer:
None of this matters. Do whatever makes you happy, and learn from your mistakes.
Long answer:
First, let me preface my thoughts with the (arguably fair) assumption that happiness is our goal. These conflicts pose an obstacle to that goal, and thus, we seek to resolve them. Second, I think it’s noteworthy to realize that this gradient of desires (“high” and “low”) has been determined by other people, and should be open to change. Nonetheless, it’s equally useful to remember that these were recorded because someone (or centuries/millennia of people) have believed that they are of some worth in the pursuit of happiness. Either way, we cannot prove or refute their validity.
If you desire something that’s labelled “low,” go for it. Presumably, the object of your fascination will make you happy. Is it worth it? For how long? Only time will reveal. It’s like this: it is common knowledge that punching a brick wall with your bare hands (my examples on Swadharma are ridiculous but the extreme ones always reveal more, so bear with me) hurts. However, if you’re not sure, go ahead and do it (needless to say, I’m not asking you to actually punch a wall: that’s a horrible idea). If it didn’t hurt, good for you! You just found something that gives you happiness! If it hurts, well, you learned something, and hopefully, you won’t do it again. Don’t let traditional categorizations of what is good or bad distort your own sense of happiness and satisfaction. The only thing I would add is that it is important to ensure that the fact that you’re disregarding what you’ve been taught doesn’t eat you alive. For a lot of us, from a merely psychological point of view, I think it will. Guilt and happiness don’t really work well together.
The reason I try not to lie is because the guilt I feel later kills any happiness I derived (or any unhappiness I avoided). I’ve lied, learned that I felt like shit after, and decided against it. In retrospect, I definitely wish I’d had the sense to listen when people told me that lying is not worth it. But nope. I still punch walls every day, learning from those walls that bruise my knuckles. I’m strong now, but there will come a time when my bloody knuckles can take no more, and will go back to walls that didn’t hurt. And very very often, they are the walls that centuries of ancient wisdom labelled as “higher desires.” After all, if it hurts me, it probably hurt them.
I’d agree, except sometimes the conflict isn’t necessarily between types of happiness, but between what we know to be right (i.e. that which SHOULD be done) vs. what we know will make us happy/give us pleasure and satisfaction. Maybe I’m arguing semantics here, but phrasing it this way makes it seem, to me at least, a bit less clear cut than ‘do what makes you happy’.
G, I agree with your point about semantics — my conflict is further confused though…because I don’t KNOW that those other things will make me happy, I’m just wondering whether they will. And I don’t know if its worth giving up the little progress I’ve made towards my higher goals to dabble in that stuff and find out, you know?
But then again — I wonder if having such doubts means that I haven’t really made any progress at all…
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