In light of the fact that Valentine’s Day was yesterday, I thought it might be apt to bring up the topic of love, and its role in Hinduism.
Of course, religious love is encouraged in any religion — devotion to God, or to any ideal is always seen as positive; and in fact, the Bhakti Yoga claims that this love and devotion can be channeled into a path leading to realization!
The confusion arises when thinking of romantic love — is it encouraged by Hinduism? Or discouraged? Or is it simply not mentioned in our scripture? I don’t think it can be the last category, since many Hindu texts have openly romantic/sexual commentary — the Mahabharata essentially occurs because King Pandu cannot control his desires, and thus dies, according to the curse he was given many years back. Kama Sutra is famous in the Western world as the manual for different positions and other things. And the list goes on. However, what do these references mean? Indian culture makes such topics taboo — and so, I have never been comfortable enough to actually analyze what these things mean.
But in terms of relationships, I think it is important to analyze the reasons behind the relationship. Just as religious devotion is meant to bring us closer to God, so that we can improve as people, I would think that Hinduism’s approach to earthly relationships would be to suggest that our they, too, should serve the same purpose — they should lift us up. So, whether the relationship is a friendship, a romantic relationship, or something else, we should constantly examine why we claim to love others. Are we helping others by spending time with them? What is the basis for our relationships?
Unfortunately, I don’t know the scriptural basis for any of the conclusions I just mentioned — so if you know or have an opinion on this, please comment and share what you think!
In any case, this idea of making sure that my connections to others are based on something higher than just physical attraction, or fondness of gossiping together, or partying together, has really helped me — after, as it says on the main page of the Swadharma website: talking about these things is the best way to really get to know someone; and to form any meaningful connection, you have to really know the person — their thoughts, not just their physical characteristics. So, this belated Valentine’s Day post is dedicated to all those willing to discuss these things — thanks for letting us really get to know you!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
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4 Comments
But, on a spiritual level, is attraction to someone because you have similar philosophies & goals really any different than physical attraction to someone?
The way I see it, bringing yourself close to God means freeing yourself from all attachments. So the very act of loving someone & becoming emotionally attached to them doesn’t move you closer to God, independent of what that attraction is based on.
So, I feel like I am pursuing two contradictory goals, in my search for meaningful relationships, and for spiritual fulfillment. How do you balance these? Or do you feel they are not conflicting goals?
Also, someone else please comment! I feel like I’m having a conversation with myself.
In response to Aneesh: If Hinduism preaches that God is within all of us(correct me if I’m wrong?), attaching yourself emotionally to someone else doesn’t take you away from your goal of becoming one with God. Our pursuit for meaningful relationships is a way to invest in the people of the world and become closer to the God that lives inside each one of them. Isn’t that what Hinduism teaches us? Our path towards spirituality does not have to be separate from learning to love another human being.
If you can love someone without expecting anything in return, then I feel you are free from the bonds of attachment & dependence. But I don’t know whether I can love unconditionally. I think this ties into Saketh’s earlier post on unselfishness (http://www.swadharma.org/2009/02/03/vivekananda-on-unselfishness/). A relationship where you expect affection from someone else is somewhat selfish. I feel like we are not truly free to recognize the God within us when we retain such strong dependence on worldy things & people.
Yes, the key here is the nature of the relationship. One must learn to love without expecting to receive anything. Easier said than done, I know.
But I am not so sure that the lack of expecting something in return necessarily makes someone free from attachment. I think that it is still possible to unselfishly love someone but still be attached/dependent in an emotional sense. Does such love move someone closer to God?
Thoughts?
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